Flush away

So completely flushed…
I feel as if everything I've done, everything I'm doing it's all for nothing.

So completely flushed all i want to do is throw it all away.
It hurts too much to bare around.

Why love hurts so?
This can't be love.

Beginning to question everything because nothing is what it seems.
My head hurts and my heart aches.

I can't seem to grasp why you feel so strongly but you do.
I try to be there and fix it but you won't let me.

You tell me to have a good day,  hurts.
Because you should know there are no good days without you.

So trapped within my feels I can't do the things I need to do.
I bet your fine over there. While I'm over here feeling sorry for my life ready to flush it all.

I feel so alone,
My GOD
I pray & I ask you to send me someone to love, someone worth living for because GOD I'm tired of being here, I keep loosing my reasons. There's no man that can love and understand me the way that I need to be loved.

I want to flush it all.

Freewrite fucker

I wonder if he's thinking about her,
When he's fuckin me.

I wonder if he talks secretly behind my back
To her.

Telling her all the things I want to hear,
But would never want him to say to anyone else.

He makes me mad, he makes me sad.
I wonder if he runs away when I'm mad.

I
run,
when
he's
mad.
...I forget he's unlike me at times.

Unable to understand his ways, All I can do is assume with the behaviors you give me.
Why he treats me this way, I don't grasp very well.

When we're good, we're really good
& when it's bad, boy is it bad.

This is killing me, I know now & some time before now that my feelings for him are true.
Because when we disagree I feel myself dying on the inside.

Familiar feeling, but not one I ever wanted to feel again.
I know to that it's about accepting all aspects of a person.
Loving their flaws just as much as you love the good that they do.

This is why I can't bring myself to saying it to him.
How can I love this behavior I don't understand.
This behavior I wouldn't return.
I would never shut you out, because I shut everyone else out for you.

Regrouping & asking myself...
Have I forgotten myself?
Staying in my place, I think I've meshed with this man without realizing.

However did he get to anger me in this manner?
Whatever he says goes,
He tells me Im the best, I feel good
He tells me Im whack, I feel horrid.
Is he the boss of me?

.....NOOOOO so why do I feel so fuckin angry