Freewrite fucker

I wonder if he's thinking about her,
When he's fuckin me.

I wonder if he talks secretly behind my back
To her.

Telling her all the things I want to hear,
But would never want him to say to anyone else.

He makes me mad, he makes me sad.
I wonder if he runs away when I'm mad.

I
run,
when
he's
mad.
...I forget he's unlike me at times.

Unable to understand his ways, All I can do is assume with the behaviors you give me.
Why he treats me this way, I don't grasp very well.

When we're good, we're really good
& when it's bad, boy is it bad.

This is killing me, I know now & some time before now that my feelings for him are true.
Because when we disagree I feel myself dying on the inside.

Familiar feeling, but not one I ever wanted to feel again.
I know to that it's about accepting all aspects of a person.
Loving their flaws just as much as you love the good that they do.

This is why I can't bring myself to saying it to him.
How can I love this behavior I don't understand.
This behavior I wouldn't return.
I would never shut you out, because I shut everyone else out for you.

Regrouping & asking myself...
Have I forgotten myself?
Staying in my place, I think I've meshed with this man without realizing.

However did he get to anger me in this manner?
Whatever he says goes,
He tells me Im the best, I feel good
He tells me Im whack, I feel horrid.
Is he the boss of me?

.....NOOOOO so why do I feel so fuckin angry