Stuck

I've been resisting my temp to write but here I am.
My mind feels cluttered with all sorts of unwanted thoughts.
I've always knew, but realizing more that I am the only person responsible for my happiness.
Which means I'm also responsible for all other emotions.

I cried for half the day yesterday because I couldn't understand why I'm here.
Why these things happen to me and why I get so stuck.
I try to justify myself to myself.
-I am an extraordinary being.
But I'm not.
I'm nothing more than the next waste.

There's good and there's bad.
When they both balance themselves out,
I just feel blank, somewhat numb. zero'd.

Emotion is nothing but a set up.
I literally live in my emotions.
I have a hard time letting go and forgiving, i guess i'm stubborn.

My need to feel alive does nothing but bring me down
and makes me wanna get more high.
My dreams seem to vanish before my eyes with age.

Without a stable foundation as well nothing is possible.
I thought my relationship with my family was getting better,
to turn around and find them all pointing at me, not the best feeling when your trying to be better.

Continuous let downs, and set backs.
I've lowered my standards.
Life is not what you make it,
That shit is made for you already.
It's a matter of tolerating the daily bullshit.

Makes me question
Did I ever even have a fair chance?
Woke up this morning feeling screwed.

Why care about anything, shit is so pointless.
Yet and still I can't stop caring, it's in us to care.
We we're burden with the ability to feel emotion.

What is it that I'm looking for?
I feel it, the empty space inside.
A happiness I someday aspire to acquire.

Nothing in this world is good.
Everything is bad in a sense that it will hold you back what you it is you truly desire.
Beginning to think I want a lot, being that I only want happiness.
Happiness comes with so much.

What is it that will make me happy?
I have an answer, but it is too much.
Life is a blessing and a curse.