Unknown self

As I find myself pondering the same things I use to years ago
I know I haven't changed & I know its my time to do so.


Somewhat disappointed in myself;
I haven't exactly pin pointed the exact reason for my behavior..


...Or rather my condition
Why do I feel so stuck...
     within myself
       - in my mind..


Find myself questioning myself,
Way more than just often-
---Who the hell am I ?
Whom do I want to be?


....ponder, ponder..
& I haven't a damn clue!


I know who I'm not
I'm not the girl I use to be
I blame my environment & the people I chose to surround myself with
For the lost of myself..


R.I.P to the sweet girl I use to be
I'm sorry I let you go


Blame me not self,
I have lost me


& as I find this challenge difficult
I know only I can benefit me


Constantly find myself comparing myself to that of others.
Where I could be to where I am
My situation now to what It should be


I know its up to me
To do what's best for me


I'll say the hardest part of life is growing up;
I pray that someday I will be granted understanding.
Maybe then I'll make sense of this,
Till then I find myself lost in this bittersweet world.